Math Class

"You're like quantum mechanics: the more I learn about you, the more I want to bang my head against the wall."

Snicker Snicker

"K, so, last night when I was shaving--" "BAHAHAHAHAHA!! You shave!?"

Coming From a True Man

He's so pretty!

Dreaming of a White Christmas

"I used to love the smell of yellow snow."

Asian

"How do you blindfold an Asian?"
"How?"
"With dental floss."

One of Those Days

"Have you ever had one of those days where you really wish you had a boyfriend? Everyone’s just so attractive."

Math

"Holy Shift! Look at the mother function on that asymptote!"

Lunch Time

"Get your wiener out of my chili!"

Salsa

"While I'm spanking salsa balls!"

Super Smash Bros.

"Slash slash stab!"

Winter Dates

"Since I have a pass we can go snowing and skiiboarding a lot."

Woman vs Women

"The bane of a woman's existence: gravity and other women."

A2 English

"You can't be kinda pregnant."

Ecstasy

"I feel like riding a unicorn!"

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty

"We were cat-calling."

Male Friend, age 17

"Don't suck on my thumb."

Swimmer, age 5

"My sister has more arm pit hair than you - and she's twelve."

Friendship

"One moment you're friends and the next thing you know, you're pregnant."

Care Instructions

I was reading the tag on my belt, because, well, I do things like that. On one side it had the sizing and the material it's made out of and where it's made. It also says "CARE ON REVERSE". I thought, Hm, I didn't know you were supposed to wash your belt. Come to find out, you're not supposed to. The so-called "care instructions" are as follows: REMOVE BEFORE WASHING.

Carbonated

Apparently, my body is unable to properly take in carbonated beverages. It seems, anytime I drink soda or something with bubbles, I cry. My mother, being the loving woman that she is, noticed this today while we were at lunch. This was her response: "It's just so beautiful," as she *wiped* a tear away from her face. Thanks mom. Love you too. And so, I sit in the basement, drinking soda, by myself. At least the computer doesn't mock me.

Donuts?

First off, is it "donuts" or "doughnuts"? But that's besides the point. "People are like donuts. Some are good, some are bad, and some are just plain gross." Many thanks to my brother. For his insane talk that makes everyone laugh. And wonder at his mental stability. We all love 'im.